St Paul of Tranent

God, I'm not the most prolific blog writer, am I? Thought I should write an update on my progress with The Observer. Paula and I are in touch sporadically, and she gives me things to think about/exercises to do, and I don't do anything about them. Probably too lazy. Or don't want to think about my predicament. Or something. It is meeting Paul that has had more of an effect than my pathetic attempts to think about why I'm alone, or what sort of relationship I want.

Paul is a friend of my brother's who was at my 40th birthday party in January. Since then, I've been seeing him from time to time, and we've done quite a bit of snogging and managed to resist doing more, mainly due to his self-control. The physical contact is great, but it has been the conversations that have had the most impact on my life.

Paul made it clear from the beginning that he wasn't interested in having a relationship at the moment. He's doing an apprenticeship that takes up a lot of his time and energy, and he's getting over a long-term relationship that broke up last year. I don't know how he's done this, but he's got me reassessing my urgency about finding a partner. I no longer feel in a rush. I've more or less abandoned the idea of having more kids, but feel quite at peace with myself about it. I trust that the right man will come along at the right time. Perhaps it's Paul - though not at the moment - perhaps it's not.

What has also happened is that I've stopped obsessing about the break-up of my previous on-off (mostly off, and even when it was on it was never very clear where I stood) relationship. And Paul deserves a sainthood for that alone.