Lighten up

By request of a certain LottieP, I offer a more upbeat selection of tracks than those on the left:

Indeep – Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

Eve feat. Gwen Stefani - Blow Ya Mind

Black Box - Ride On Time

The Source feat. Candi Staton - You Got the Love

B52s - Planet Claire

I continue to be Observed...

Not married yet though. Not that that's my goal. The Observer piece was very fair, although the picture was horrid: I looked fat and miserable. I'm not surprised I haven't been flooded with letters of interest. Not that any man would be that vacuous. I particularly liked that they printed my profound observation on the attraction of 40-something men to women in their 20s with no "baggage" - baggage meaning life experience, kids and more than three decades under their belt. Oh, and the odd wrinkle. And also that I wouldn't regard the year's free counselling as a failure if I'm alone at the end of it.

The discussions with the counsellor, Paula Hall, have made me realise how complicated relationships are. I didn't think they were simple before, but I now see that finding someone who's right for me is almost a lottery. I certainly don't believe in there being one person out there who's perfect for me - and it being a (not very simple) matter of finding them - but it feels like it's going to be terribly difficult not to settle for a sub-standard relationship in order to avoid being alone for the rest of my life. I've lost sight of what is good and bad in relationships, and have put up with a lot of crap, some of it instigated or perpetuated by myself. I said to Paula that I would write a sort of "shopping list" of the qualities I want in a partner, but I now see that it's nowhere near as clear-cut as that. Not only is some compromise inevitable, a prospective partner may have some wonderful qualities that I hadn't even thought of. And it's not like I can simply put my order in on the Tesco website.

Funnily enough, I feel very little envy of anyone else's relationship, or life for that matter. Although I find my life hard at times, I feel quite content in many ways. It's more a case that there are a few things missing than there being things I would like to change. Time for myself and someone to come home to are top of the list.